Right before I left I prayed quickly, "Lord I want to be humble as I lead tonight". I think the Lord thought I said, "I want to be humbled as I lead tonight".
I just felt out of it from the get-go. I needed to change one song on the power point (which is not my area of expertise) before we got started and the computer would not let me remove the bullets. Instead of lyrics for a song it looked like we were reading a list for a business plan.
We had an unusually small crowd last night, which might make some people more comfortable when talking/leading. However, it makes me more self-conscious. Bigger crowds mean more people singing and they focus less on me. Small crowds mean it's really quiet and if we sing a new song (which we did) it means I'm singing solo. Ugh.
I started one song in the wrong key, using the capo on my guitar. I had to stop (right before I tried to sing) when I realized the key was way too high. I had to remove the capo and start all over. This is not the first time I've had to do this (I'm SO professional) but it just added to my already "great" evening. Oh also, in the middle of another song I skipped a verse, went to the chorus and then went back to that verse, creating quite an ordeal for my son running the power point.
Then our friendly, neighborhood mentally disabled man who has started coming on Sunday nights arrived and sat on the front row, just about 3 feet away from me. He proceeded to groan, moan, yell and WHISTLE (off key, I might add) through every single song. Two kids in the back were trying SO HARD not to laugh and once I looked at them I knew I couldn't look back again or I would lose it.
During the dvd we watched this young man talked to the screen, out loud....VERY loud. Last week when he was there I remember thinking that it was neat that he could worship with us and that he probably feels safe there and it's a cool respite for him. However last night, I just wanted to throw my pen at his head. That is how compassionate and loving my attitude was. I was praying that he would be quiet then lo and behold he fell asleep!
Thankfully, the dvd message we watched was VERY good and ran without a hitch. The message was one I really, really needed to hear.
So I went home quite full from my meal of humble pie and prayed for the earth to swallow me up.
"For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted." Luke 14:11